It has been 51 days today since my husband forced my two children and myself out of our marital home. It seems like a lifetime ago. My life and my boy's lives have been turned upside down and violently shaken throughout these past 51 days... I tried to keep them with me and protect them from the harsh reality that we had become victims once again. My husband filed an emergency restraining order against me in the middle of the night on July 9th 2017. At 3:31 a.m. a judge woke from his evening slumber to sign a document full of lies and hearsay, without considering what would be happening to the person on the other end of that document. I wonder if the judge would have signed this emergency order had he known the claims made were lies and that a mother and her two children would be sent out of their home with nothing and no one to turn to.
It was a small blessing that my two son's were having their weekend visit with their Dad that Sunday morning when a Greene County Sheriff's Deputy arrived to serve me the order. It was about 6am or so. I was just waking up after a horrible night of verbal arguments with my husband Erich Higgins. I had made an attempt to stay the night in a women's shelter in Springfield due to Erich's refusal to stop berating me with his non-stop accusations of wrong doing. I drove to the city where Haven of Hope is located but when I arrived I just couldn't bring myself to go inside.
Going inside meant to me that things were over without question. I thought of how much I love Erich and also of how angry and hurt I was. I sat in the parking lot for almost an hour wrestling with the decision. Finally I put the key back in the ignition and set out to drive back home to Fair Grove. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't make that decision that would put me in a women's shelter and permanently end my second marriage. I drove home with feelings of dread and anxiety as I knew what to expect. Bad things... always bad things for me. Erich has a way of using my feelings for him against me and he loves to see me suffer. I am suffering now, but I'm also fighting back.
As I arrived home the evening of July 9th 2017 it was approximately 1:30 a.m. A car had turned onto the road behind me. The headlights were bright and right on my tail. I suspected it was a police officer as I'd seen the car sitting in the parking lot of the MFA that is along the way to my house. The officer conveyed to me that Erich had requested he watch for me to come home. He also said Erich was requesting I be put on a 96 hour suicide watch in the hospital. He had done this to me before in September 2016. He was successful in having me taken against my will and held in the psych ward at Cox South Hospital that time... But this time he was not PRAISE GOD!
The officer shared information with me that Erich had provided some Facebook Messenger messages dating back to March 2017 that I had sent to him claiming that I shot myself. Yes I sent those messages. Yes I regret doing so and had my world not been falling apart around me starting in February 2017 I wouldn't have sent the messages. Erich was repeating his same pattern of abuse starting in February. He went to his Dad's house on the 16th which is his own birthday. He was supposed to be picking up a washer and dryer set and come home so we could work on putting together a garage sale so that we could liquidate all the useless property we have and Erich could begin parking inside he garage. Our home has a large garage in the basement in addition to the 3 car garage upstairs. Erich claimed this basement garage as his "hunting" room so when we moved in to our home on December 15th 2016 all of my inventory from self employment was put into the garage upstairs. I had been working by myself to unpack and sort through everything. I wasn't fast enough or good enough because Erich came home a different person that night.
Erich arrived home with the washer and dryer and six or seven beers in his belly. He didn't offer to help with the garage sale efforts in spite of the sale being something he had been the one pushing for. I politely asked for his help and he did come to help but was horribly rude the entire time he was in the garage. I finally just asked him to please go inside since he refused to be kind and control himself. Erich likes to purposely push my buttons and provoke a fight so that he can then condemn me for that also. I am responsible for my reactions and only I can control them so he is not to blame for my inability to do so.... But he is to blame and should be accountable for the way he has treated me and the results of what it has done to my life and the lives of my children. Sadly Erich Higgins is not capable of showing remorse for any wrongs he has inflicted upon my children and myself. He is incapable of empathy and compassion.
The only treatment I have received from Erich since February is what I realized was his attempt to make me as miserable as possible in hopes that I would choose to leave. I didn't want to leave but July 8th I was ready to. I told Erich that afternoon that I couldn't continue as we were anymore. It was too painful and it was killing me. I told him he could keep whatever he deemed was his property. He notified me that I was not allowed to have anyone come to the home to help me move. I told him I would just sell anything that was too heavy for me to carry. He then let me know that no one was allowed to enter the home to help move any heavy items out if they purchased them.
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