Enough is enough!!!

The first post you see here is from the summer of 2017.  I didn't finished the post and uploaded it at the time it was written but I finally did today, because enough is enough.

I'm giving up.  I'm giving up hope that the relationship I have sacrificed so much for is ever going to get better.  When I met Erich I was at the peak of my life.  I had been married 15 years to the father of my four amazing children, I owned my own business and home and I was the mayor of the town I lived in population only 3300 but an accomplishment worth noting.

Now I have nothing.  I've sold my business, destroyed my family and sold most everything of value that I owned to fund the life I live with my abuser.  I blame only myself but I am holding him accountable now, here...  Silly you may think but it's my way and my heart and my life.  Broken as I am, I am starting NOW holding him accountable and showing the world that I am not what he says and I am going to prove it!  I am going to prove that he is the monster he is.  Maybe then he will get better.  Maybe then someone he respects will see what I share and convince him to seek help.  Maybe not.  Either way I'm breaking out.  I'm done.

As a grown adult I am tired of my EVERY single, tiny, insignificant action questioned and ridiculed.  I am tired of the lies.  I am tired of the distorted reality displayed before me in order to convince me of my own insanity. I am tired of bearing the burden of responsibility for all of our financial mistakes.  I am tired of the reminder of all the sacrifices I've made for this relationship and knowing it was all for nothing. 

Today the final blow was the nagging bitching mocking bullshit because I choose to drink beer on Superbowl Sunday and work listing and selling online which is my occupation.  I am tired of what used to be acceptable now thrown in my face as MY alcoholism.  If I choose to drink I'm a grown ass woman and I can choose it.  If I'm an alcoholic then so is he.  He drinks most times I'm drinking.  I don't even care.  If I'm an alcoholic then so be it.  I need something to numb the pain.  I'm done.  It's done.  Now I plan my escape now I am done.